Question
Dear Friend, I have never done a daily practice of meditation. I've read a lot of intro books about Buddhism..but never committed to meditating. Now I realize that I need to turn to this practice for help. I am suffering..and I am needy emotionally .. in that I cling too tightly to people I love..and sabotage the whole relationship/or/friendship. Ironically, I was pointed to this fact by Yoda LOL in one of the star wars movies where he says, "Train yourself to let go of all that you fear to lose." This hit home with me. I don't know where to go from here.. but I need to start meditating. Any advice, help, suggestions are much appreciated.
Answer
Hello Sandra,
Thank you for your question. There are quite a few of us who have this pattern for a variety of reasons: fear of abandonment, fear of being alone, fear of being with one's self and the silence that comes with it. In every action and behavior, there is a root cause. Meditation is but one vehicle to assist you in identifying the root cause of the need to cling to others. I congratulate you on being able to first of all own the pattern of neediness you have identified for yourself. Meditation will help you take it a little deeper. There are many forms of meditation. The below suggestion is but one form.
Consider starting with a journal writing down all the events throughout your life where you have engaged with the behavior of neediness. In doing so, be very specific: who was involved, what were the circumstances, what were your emotions around the circumstances, what precipitated the circumstances, etc. Be as specific as you can. Continue to journal these events doing your best not to judge yourself or make yourself wrong for what happened in that time and space. One way of taking the potential sting out of the exercise is to approach it as if you were having a discussion with friend. Speak to her and allow her to speak back doing your best to truly listen to what she has to say. There will be moments through those sessions that you have awarenesses about the root cause of the behavior. Ask your friend for solutions around how to address the neediness and what can be done to work with it rather than have it control you.
After each journaling session, thank her for the taking the time to teach you and do something you really enjoy for the purpose of congratulating yourself. The congratulations is for your courage to look at you in an integriful way. I do hope this has been helpful. Good luck in your practice. Be well.
Regards,
Coninyah B. Dew L.Ac., M.S.O.M.
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