Question
hello!
well, I m so depressed .After undergoing many bad experiences i realize that my life is useless. that i don t have a place in this world...i tried to waste weight but i failed.. i work hard to graduate from university but i don t get the marks that i deserve even if i work hard more than others ...i have problems with my parents... well how to you think should i see the world. I aspire to see the world beutiful because , i want to regain happiness because i can t stand more. I can t stand anymore.. pls help me.
Answer
Hi, Milla.
I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so bad now. If you are really feeling terrible, I'd like to suggest that you find a therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist who can work with you now. It is nice to have some support from someone who can understand you a little bit. It is very hard on the nervous system to be very unhappy and it might be nice if you can get some rest from your worries, even if it is just temporary.
I'm wondering what your interest is in meditation, since you wrote to someone in the category of meditation, not psychology. Maybe you can tell me more about that.
To me, meditative work means becoming transparent to myself, noticing how the thinking thinks, the patterns of thinking and of reacting. To notice this takes at least a little bit of space and quiet.
Even though it is quite painful, can you notice how the thoughts keep all of this "story" going? The thoughts about how bad I am, how many troubles I have, how it might never change. And then with the thoughts is the imagination of what it might feel like if it never changes. Can you notice how each of these thoughts actually makes the suffering worse. And that somehow the thinking doesn't want to stop.
All of these things can be noticed in a kind of quiet listening. It is helpful to notice that the quiet listening itself is caring, nonjudgmental, and positive. It is positive because it is not interested in defending anything, just in seeing the truth. You might also notice that this same listening may allow you to hear the birds, feel the wind, smile at children playing.
Notice, as you listen to what is happening inside, if there is a heavy judgment that everything you notice is bad. You may notice the thoughts doing the same thing over and over and then judge that that is bad. That you should have a free mind, etc. This judging is a deep habit voice. I don't know why it's there when it is so unhelpful but many people report noticing it and suffering from it, on top of everything else. You can question whether there can be a listening for a moment that doesn't bother to judge. Don't expect it to go away.
I don't want to say too much right now because I don't know too much about your situation. If you'd like, you can write back and tell about your interest and/or experience in meditation and you comments on what I've said so far.
I hope you can get some rest and quiet. Where do you live?
Best wishes,
Jay
