Question
My name is Randall Smith. I am a Catholic. Thomas Merton wrote about Buddhism. I read about it and could see that it has worked for centuries. I don't want any elaborate techniques for starting out but I don't want to get sidetracked with meditating in a stalled state. I know that there is freedom from suffering and that it involves getting a better pespective on self and being less self-centered and more aware of reality. I can tell that so much of my pain, when it comes to rejection, is delusional. It blows my mind how often hurt comes along and it is only emotional unthought unanylized fluff that doesn't mount up to anything but I still have it at my deepest level of being. Enlightenment means to me an end to suffering. I don't need values in my life that cause me to access my life and worth on transitory things. That causes me pain. It is unnecessary. Christianity is my religion. The Magesterium of the Catholic Church states that it denies no truth outside of the Church. It isn't an obstacle to finding truth in psychology, philosophy, or other religions or individuals. I would like to attain 'enlightenment' to improve myself but I think it is closely related to helping others. Although that sentiment could be influenced by reading about those who will not cease to seek it until all have attained it. Anyway, that is a little more about me. Thanks for your interest. I will look forward to giving you my phone number when I can do so personally.
Answer
Hi, Randall.
Thanks for the clarification. That helps.
In its essence, meditation, or meditative presence is simple. It is not a matter of technique, of training the mind or of focusing for some purpose. Rather it is finding the spaciousness - the quietness - to be with what is actually here at this moment, which includes the breath, the feel of the body on the chair, the sound of the fan, the dimming light of evening, as well as the thoughts and internal reactions that may bubble up - noticing how these thoughts and reactions usually temporarily block out the simple awareness of the present.
I agree with your perceptive statement that freedom from suffering involves seeing the mechanism of suffering clearly from a wide open perspective. I mean that when the mind is quiet and perceptive, the urge for a reaction to come up - for example to feel that so and so has rejected me - with all of the turmoil that comes from this reaction riding rough shod in the saddle - the urge can be seen very quickly and clearly and the energy may stay with what is here, rather than running off into the well known painful reaction.
It is really amazing when an old, powerful pattern is simply seen clearly and the wisdom of the organism to stay here comes into play. The most amazing thing is that this process happens completely on its own. It doesn't require a personal effort. The clear seeing takes care of it all. Or it doesn't. The reaction takes hold and the turmoil and personal hurt, putting the body through the wringer. And this too happens on its own. There is no one standing in the middle deciding whether it will be clear seeing or reaction. Watch this carefully to see for yourself.
Now as far as I have experienced, the end of suffering is not a permanent state. It is what happens in a miraculous moment of a reactive pattern - a pattern of self-centered anxiety - being seen clearly and the energy not going into it. Naturally as one spends more time in quiet simple being , this is more possible.
It may be more accurate to consider enlightenment to mean the thorough resolution of one's deepest concerns. It can be helpful to consider your concerns, to reflect on what they are, to ask what they are really rooted in, to feel into them honestly, nakedly. It should be fairly clear that the usual way of trying to think about such things, come up with solutions, pray for help, etc., is very limited and does not result in a deep, thorough resolution.
Instead, can you enter into this present moment wholeheartedly, without holding back from whatever presents itself and yet staying with the presence, not knowing how this relates to your concerns, not knowing where you are going or what will happen but with an alert mind that knows well the sorrow of human beings - both personal and collective - and knows that this simple presence is the alternative.
It may not be clear why it is the alternative or how. This is what will unfold as one finds one way to live and sit in presence. And from time to time the roots of our deep concerns reveal themselves, burst out into the light of the vast silent beauty of this wide world and resolution and healing happen, when one leasts expects it.
I highly recommend considering some longer meditation retreats once you are comfortable with sitting. Seven days of retreat can shed light in a way that years of sitting on one's own cannot. I recommend the Springwater Center, with Toni Packer. Of retreat places I have any familiarity with, it is the place with the clearest, simplest, most direct spirit. You can look it up on the web. I go there at least twice a year for retreat.
It is very helpful to be able to talk with others periodically in order to clarify this meditative work. I hope you may be able to find people near you who have some clarity about this. You could contact Springwater about members in your area.
I hope this is a good start for you. I'll look forward to hearing more as you proceed.
Best wishes,
Jay Cutts
