Question
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Followup To
Question -
I'm not sure if you'll be able to answer my question or not, but I'm the type of person who is extremely anxious and stressed. School keeps me on my toes and everytime I even think of school or some test, I start getting sick. For example, I just took one of my finals a couple of days ago and I found myself extremely nauseous and weak. I started battling stomach/intestinal problems even after my exam. My school nurse suggested that I turn to meditation to help me keep my life in order. My question is what type of meditation (or yoga, etc.) should I do to help me get a better "hold" of my body or at least reduce stress. I know that my symptoms are caused by my extreme anxiety, I've been told to "stop worrying" but that doesn't help. People don't understand how hard it is for me to stop stressing, its a major part of my life.I've tried some breathing exercises, but I end up feeling more naseous. I'm not quite sure what to do, but any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.
Answer -
Hey Kate,
Saying that you feel stressed and anxious are "general" terms, what I need to know is details, specifics. What are you really feeling? What are you afraid of? What is your terror? Who, what, where, when, why and how are these feelings activated? Are you doing things that you "feel" you should not be doing but do them anyway just to fit in or be accepted? Are you afraid of disappointing someone and if so, why? The list goes on and on.
While it is me that is asking you these questions now, in reality, it is you that needs to be asking them of yourself anytime you have a doubt or when a fear comes up in order to begin to understand and heal the cause of your fears and anxiety.
Let me know specifically what we're dealing with here and then I can help you begin to help yourself.
Reed
Hello,
Thank you for your feedback. To answer your question, my fear is mainly one of failing. To me what I do in school the grades the tests, the everything, determine what type of future I'll have and it's really pressuring me. I don't want to lose my reputation of being the "bright girl" by failing some test that everyone passes. That I think is one of my biggest fears. Also I feel like people expect a certain degree of work from me (which I know they do) but I'm scared that I'll mess up and lose their respect. I have no pressure from my family really, my mom is the one telling me I need to calm down, but again she really wants me to get good grades, even if she says she doesn't care if I fail, I know it would impact her greatly. The stress that I put on myself makes my life so much harder to handle and it's really hurting my body physically as well as mentally. I don't know if my answer lies in meditation or yoga, but I'm trying really hard to find it because I can't control my own body (mentally or physically).
Answer
Hi Kate,
It's interesting as I'm also answering another question from a mother who has a daughter that is going through very much the same issues as you are. And while the mother says that she's not putting pressure or expectations on the daughter, she is. Meanwhile, the daughter doesn't want to disappoint the mother, and lose the mothers "conditional" love (based on the daughter doing well and being a success) and tries all the harder to please her mother but in the process, she is being unloving to herself which she then feels as tension and stress.
The quality of life isn't measured by a dollar $, it's doing what makes you feel happy and going with what your heart tells you feels right and not what your programed and imprinted mind tells you is right based on other peoples beliefs.
There is no way that you can control your mind, body and emotions and still be happy, as there will always be "something" that is wrong. To get control of what is stressing you, you have to let go of control. That means that you need to allow yourself to express all your emotions in the moment you are having them and then also express any old emotions that also come up for release during that moment. If your mother is as non-judgmental as she says and she is then now is the time for her to prove it. You need to have a REAL talk with her including on an emotional and heart-felt level.
I have a website and a post that I feel will give you an idea of what I'm talking about when AI say expressing your emotions. The link is at
A level of healing
There is a lot more info on that and my other sites that may also interest you. If you have further question, you know where I am.
John
