Question
Dear Jay
Can you tell me,is there a way you can allow love into yr life in different ways? Can you experience this feeling with out external feedback? How can you hold on to,to stay with this feeling through out yr day.Also is there a meditation I could do?
THANK U SO MUCH
Answer
Hi, Julie-ann.
In my experience, love in its simplest and cleanest expression is already here as long as I am meeting a person, or situations in my life, without reacting to protect or defend myself.
In other words, the love that is always here gets covered up if I'm reacting to somebody or if I'm trying to hold onto a certain state of mind or certain kinds of feelings in the body.
So love does not depend on the state of mind. For example, if someone tells me I'm not working fast enough, it might cause a reaction to be triggered in my mind of resenting that person, or maybe of feeling bad about myself. It's very possible for this reaction to be noticed before it actually grabs a hold of the body/mind and makes me angry or sad. If it's noticed clearly, directly, then it just seems to drop itself.
In order for this to happen there needs to be a certain kind of interest in hearing what is happening in the mind, of listening inwardly and of letting whatever comes up be visible and feelable. It's a sort of inner transparency. It can be a little difficult because most of our inner patterns of reacting don't want to be seen. By their nature they want to defend themselves and this means there is a wall of resistance around the habit - even neurologically - that tries to keep attention away from itself. If nothing else, we can at least begin to feel the resistance inside us to what other people say or do, because what they are saying and doing is triggering those habits that don't want to be seen. This resistance feels very personal. It's me. I don't want to listen to that person. I don't want to change the way I am doing something. I don't want to hear criticism. The "I" often is the resistance, as I have observed it.
So if there is this transparency operating, this awareness that is not self-defensive, then for me it usually means that I also can see the other person for who they are. I might see that the other person is under pressure from someone else. Or that they are feeling bitter about their life. Or I may see that they are making a simple observation that is true. Seeing another person - seeing where they are coming from without needing to react to it - in this the other person is also transparent. When this happens, there is a natural love and empathy and appreciation of what we all go through.
It's interesting to notice that an interaction between myself and someone else doesn't have to be "smooth" for there to be this love. It can happen even if the other person doesn't understand me at all or if they are caught in a negative state or if they are making demands on me. Transparent seeing has lots of space and time for all of this to be seen directly, simply, without reacting. If there is some problem or conflict, then I find that somehow there is also a creativity in this open seeing that usually comes up with a solution that works for everyone. So instead of conflict, there is just change, transformation, the old moving into something new. In other words, life.
You raised the question of whether there is a meditation you can do to have more love. For myself the simplest and most direct way is to take time to sit still and listen/feel/look/smell at what is happening right now, inside and outside. It's not so hard to hear outside if I quiet down, although I may not even hear very much of what is happening around me when I'm wrapped up in my activities. But it takes some real quieting down to become transparent to the thoughts and feelings that are inside. When there is enough listening, enough transparency, it no longer feels like there is a difference beween inside and outside. There is just the movement of energy and there is stillness. It sometimes feels to me like the wind is blowing right through me. It is thorough intimacy with everything, in which there is, for me, tremendous love and vulnerability.
Usually, though, there is not that much transparency because there are a lot of things going on inside me that haven't had a chance to be seen and these things make a lot of "noise" and block the movement of energy. So this needs to be seen first, given a chance to come light. Then it will be easier for transparency to go deeper.
It's also possible to watch carefully in our daily life - working, interacting with people, the things we do for fun - to see what is moving all of this inside me? What are my reactions? What are my fears? What do I have expectations about? For me when these questions are alive and interesting and important for me, it's a lot easier to stay present, to be patient with myself and with other people. This is also an expression of love, isn't it?
I find it very helpful, even necessary, for myself, to go to at least a couple 7 day retreats each year to give myself the time and space to listen inside more deeply and more quietly. Being with other people who are doing the same really helps. As the energy of transparent presence builds over the 7 days, and as the usual noisiness of the mind has a chance to quiet down, so much comes up for me that would not be possible to see otherwise. Deep patterns of reaction, assumptions, identities, that need to come out into the air of presence to heal. Then it is much easier to be in this simple transparent presence in daily life and much simpler for love to operate on its own.
Does this address your questions? If not or if you have something to add, please write back.
Fondly,
Jay
